Aren’t you glad that we have the Nicene Creed as part of our worship every Sunday? I mean if you are not going to believe this, then what are you going to believe? What alternatives are there?
The American writer and cultural commentator, David Zahl, in a spirit of play and confession, wrote “The Seculosity Creed ” a piece of “sub-Nicene ridiculousness” in which he presents what our modern secular age offers us by way of faith and hope commitments to live by, which may obtain even here north of the border, and in moments of weakness, draw us in. Hope you enjoy it, as much as I did.
We believe in One Self,
The Authentic and Improving, Arbiter of the Real and Enough.
Of all that is, both Online and IRL.
We believe in one goal, our becoming Tom Brady
Or possibly his wife Giselle.
Eternally killing it
Productive but Creative, Undistracted yet Non- Anxious
True Soulmate of true Soulmate
More engineered than born
Of one Algorithm with the Influencer
Through whom all moments go viral.
For our tribe, and our tribe only
Tom became vulnerable
Delivered and Oprah approved TED Talk
And achieved Work Life Balance.
For our sake he was pilloried on social media
Gained Weight and was cancelled.
A few news cycles later he started trending again.
In accordance with admissions standards
His daughter was accepted at Stanford
Where she now studies Sustainable Entrepreneurship
He will run for Office one day ,to redeem the Millelial and the Boomer
And his haters will be forever Silenced.
We believe in the True Diet, the Biohack, the Source of All omega 3s
Which proceeds carb-less from the Compost,
Which with Fizzy Water is devoured then
Where it is shared with Gwyneth Paltrow.
We believe in One Pure and Non- Problematic Politics
We acknowledge the Permanence of Other People’s Mistakes
We look for the Upward Mobility of our Children
And of the Promised Singularity.